33 beautiful quotes by George Carlin. Click any quote to view, download and share it as an image.
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George Carlin
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
“Some people see things that are and ask, Why?Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?Some people h...
“He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.”
“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
“I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and k...
“How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.”
“Electricity is really just organized lightning”
“I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be ...
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defe...
“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”
“I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.”
“So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.”
“It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford...
“Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy i...
“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
“Meow” means “woof” in cat.”
“I'm completely in favor of theseparation of Church and State.... These two institutions screw us up enoughon their own,...
“I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them...
“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re c...
“And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well...
“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”
“Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.”
“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest...
“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
“No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, reli...
“I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered...
“If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peac...
